Undivided Devotion

Google search.

Addiction? Finances? Childrearing? Definitely marriage. You’ll find books, sermons, workshops, even conferences devoted to helping Christians in the mentioned areas. Wading through the sheer amount of material can be overwhelming, especially in an attempt to determine whether the philosophy is truly Biblical.

Single women? Sure, plenty of resources available to the curious, perhaps desperate seeker. And, the inquirer certainly has a wide range of options with which to align her thinking. If she knows what she wants, she can find a view that supports it and even directs her in achieving her dream. Titles like “From stalemate to soulmate”, “Married in a year”, or “Mistakes singles make” appeal to the lonely college graduate whose only goal with school was an Mrs. degree.

On the other hand, the independent career woman may be drawn to internet support groups for Christian feminists. I don’t intend to debate gender roles in the church at this point. I’m more concerned about a specific mindset often presented to and easily adopted by young Christian women.

I find it interesting to note that most single women find their identity in terms of their relationship to men. “I’m single and looking for a man” contrasted with “I’m single and don’t need a man”. I know that I didn’t want to wear either T-shirt, but struggled to find a middle ground. The question for me was not really in relation to sexuality but more of a desire to know my boundaries of submission and authority. A woman’s God-ordained nature is to look to men for leadership.

I had a hard time finding a well-developed Biblical position on the function of a single woman. Early church culture created circumstances for a woman to live at home and be under her father’s provision and authority until marriage. She didn’t really have the option of financial independence. Leaving home for college and then working to support myself challenged my beliefs and personal relationship with God. I literally remember the epiphany of realizing that I could believe something different than my father and still be right with God.

Although never verbalized, my thinking during childhood was probably that I would meet a guy in college and get married right after. From Daddy’s spiritual authority to my husband’s. And this scenario is true for many ladies. Nothing wrong with it. But it doesn’t happen for most.

I remember years of feeling alone. Drifting in a deep ocean of confusion. There is no worse feeling than being in a position of wondering if a single person in the world would know or care if you fell into sin.

In the midst of these circumstances, God directed me to an amazing church where my eyes were opened to the role of the body of Christ in my spiritual growth. I started realizing that I didn’t have to do it all alone. I had spiritual authority, leadership, and encouragement in the church.

I often felt frustrated with having to make decisions that I would have much rather let someone else make for me. Not only on spiritual matters, but also every day practical needs. There’s a narrow equilibrium on the continuum from lazy and overly dependent to prideful independence.

I want to challenge all single women to discipline themselves to develop their personal theology. You need to know what you believe so that you can join a church where you know you will be under good spiritual leadership. Another side of my challenge would be to plan on supporting yourself with a job. Don’t assume you’ll get married. Prepare to live as a single woman who is financially independent and spiritually submissive to a local church. I do not see this idea taught in churches. But I think the idea that “you’ll grow up and get married” creates the wrong view of both singleness and marriage for many people.

So am I against marriage? Not at all. I’m against the wrong view of marriage.

I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. (1 Cor. 7:35).

The purpose of marriage is devotion to God. As is the purpose of singleness.

An unmarried woman should have a high view of God, but also of God’s sovereignty in her life. (Nancy Wilson).

God will ordain the circumstances you need for sanctification. But you are responsible for your choice of spiritual leadership.

Submission means to arrange under. When feminists attack the idea of submission, they are overlooking the fact that it is not top-down. It cannot be forced – it’s a heart position taken by the follower. If you blindly say “I do” you put yourself at risk to waking up next to someone you resent.  And while you may have a fair finger to point, several will be pointing back at you.

All Christian women have identity and acceptance in Christ. Differences between those single or married are primarily in their direct spiritual authority. A woman’s call to submission is not a position of bondage. She exercises her freedom to make an informed choice.